Seven best tips.
For most people that are in relationships, betrayal of a partner is the worst thing that can happen. Often, however, the tricky part is nothing new about infidelity, and the decision of what to do next
While many people like to think that they will go away from the traitor without much thought, the reality of life and common things with the partner, marriage, children, home and future plans lead to the fact that the decision is not always straightforward.
So, what happens if you decide to stay together? How should get through the first few months after the betrayal, to lay the Foundation for a good relationship in the future?
Here are seven tips for couples who want to save a relationship after infidelity:
1. Don’t try to speak until you calm down.
Once you learn about infidelity, you will naturally be angry. And while you are not able to hold back, not to unleash anger on your partner, you should be careful not to say what in future may come to regret.
“Postpone the discussion until the two of you calmed down. To speak in anger is no better than tell bad things you might regret later. Think about what you want to say in advance,” says relationship expert Tracy Cox.
2. Give yourself a little space.
When your trust in the partner destroyed, and all that you believed her, I think, dissolved, it may seem attractive to compensate for what happened, spending time together and not allowing the partner to hide from you.
But in order to look at their relationship, it is important to give yourself some space to ponder.
“If you really want to find a way to make your relationship work, you have to give yourself the space to formulate what you really want, what you feel and heal the pain that comes with cheating – make sure that you do apply the” art of vacation “in order to save themselves from the hostility,” advises relationship expert and Director.
3. Ask yourself whether you are able to complete forgiveness.
All this time that you give yourself extra space, the most important question is whether you can completely forgive your partner is the only method that will allow you to move on (saved image doesn’t help anyone).
“Some problems in the relationship caused us more pain than others, through our experiences and family history. Infidelity harder to forgive those who have cases with traitors-partners, or whose parents experienced a painful breakup. Forgiveness is the first step, again, learn to trust, ” says Cox.
Ryan agrees: “Without the full forgiveness of your partner, you run the risk of harbouring negative energy and feelings that come out when minor conflicts occur in the relationship.”
4. Start with working on the friendship.
To expect that your relationship will be back to how it was before, naive. So instead of immediately return to their old roles, try to create a friendship that focuses on trust and respect.
“You need to rediscover each other as friends before you can move forward, said Ryan. – Understanding when and why you stopped being friends can help you figure out when trust is gone in your relationship”.
5. Accept that you both need to take responsibility.
For someone change, to take responsibility for what happened, most likely, will be similar to the insult. But the refusal to acknowledge that both of you will need to work the same way to rectify the situation, only make your own life more difficult in the long run.
“It is very important to work together as a team, telling about what leads to infidelity on one or both sides, and delve into what may have been left on the side of the relationship. This is important to your movement forward, you both need to take some responsibility, ” notes Ryan.
6. Don’t be afraid to set ground rules.
While you need to take equal responsibility to make the situation better, the person deceived, should not deny themselves the opportunity to set boundaries that will help once again to restore confidence.
Perhaps you should think about what the behavior of a partner has caused you pain. For example, whether it was emotional or physical cheating? This went on for several months or just a one-night stand?
“Tell me your desires and don’t give in,” says Cox, adding that, although not approved by the ultimatums in relationships, sometimes it is necessary to say: “if this happens again, I will leave you.”
7. Choose (consciously) the time for the right conversations.
Once the initial feeling of anger and frustration will subside, and you return to your usual routine, it’s easy to forget about the restoration of relationships and not leave them in the lurch.
See also: Psychologists have uncovered the secrets of how to survive a crisis in a marriage
“I recommend that the couple has chosen a specific time to talk about what happened. Because the trust needs to be restored after such an event, the person betrayed needs to know more about what happened. If the person who is betrayed, escapes this, there will be conflict. Coordination of time, adult conversation about it will be very useful “, – said the expert.
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