“All men lie,” said Dr. house.
Some of us are lying just like that, without any purpose. And it annoys others. Clinical psychologist David Ley works with a pathological liar, and he managed to find six reasons why patients do not want to tell the truth.
Most always try to speak the truth. Some lie more than others. But there are those who lie constantly. Pathological lying is not a clinical diagnosis, though may be one of the symptoms of psychosis and manic episodes. But most liars are mentally healthy people who think differently or lie under the circumstances.
1. THE LIE MAKES SENSE FOR THEM
Others do not understand why they lie even in small things. In fact, these little things are important for those who are lying. They have a different perception of the world and a different system of values. To them has value that is not important for most.
2. WHEN THEY ARE TELLING THE TRUTH, THEY THINK THAT THEY ARE LOSING CONTROL OF THE SITUATION
Sometimes these people lie to influence others. They believe their deception sounds more convincing than the truth, and allows them to control the situation.
3. THEY DON’T WANT TO UPSET US
They lie because they’re afraid of the disapproval of others. Liars want to be loved and appreciated, to be admired. They fear that the truth isn’t very appealing, and recognizing her, friends may turn away from them, family will be ashamed, and the head will not trust an important project.
4. STARTING TO LIE, THEY CAN’T STOP
A lie is like a snowball, one leads to another. The more you lie, the harder it is to start telling the truth. Life becomes like a house of cards – remove one card, and it will collapse. At some point you begin to lie to back up the last lie.
Pathological liars believe that if they admit in the same episode, it turns out that they were lying before. Fearing exposure, they continue to deceive, even where not necessary.
5. SOMETIMES THEY DON’T EVEN REALIZE THAT LIE
In a stressful situation you don’t think about the little things, it’s important to save yourself. And you turn on survival mode and this mode you are well aware that saying or doing.
And you truly believe in your own words. We believe in what was not, if it is convenient for us. And after the danger has passed, we do not recall what was said under stress.
6. THEY WANT THEIR LIE WAS TRUE
Sometimes liars wishful thinking. They think that dreams can become a reality if a little pretending. Will be richer if you start to throw dust in the eyes and tell me about your mythical welfare or grandfather-millionaire who will leave them a bequest.
HOW TO DEAL WITH A LIAR?
But for whatever reason neither provoked the lie, the liar always feels uncomfortable. And it is important the reactions of others. If the interviewee in response to the lie says, “Enough to invent!”, “Again, you’re lying to me!” or “I will bring you to clean water!”, the liar is activated a defensive reaction. Most of these men are afraid to look like liars in the eyes of others and capable of any lie, to prove that they can be trusted.
If you want to know the truth, try to refrain from attacks and accusations. First, try to determine the reason why your partner is lying. Ask him: “Why is this situation so important to you?” or “Why do you want me to believe that? Why do you want me to look at the situation from this point of view?” So you reduce the tension and make communication more sincere. Empathy – the best way to show people that the truth is not such a terrible thing and the world will not collapse if it turns out that he is cheating others.
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