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Friendship with the boss permanently injurious to health

Дружба с шефом безвозвратно вредит здоровьюTrust relationships are also harmful as open hostility.

Too close and trusting relationship with the boss can have its pitfalls that you never knew existed.

A bad relationship with the boss can easily throw us off balance. However, it appears that the opposite situation, when the boss and the subordinate have for each other warm feelings, may cause no less, and sometimes even more stress.
Designer Gabby Sullivan lives in Northern California, USA, and knows firsthand what it may bring.

Sullivan and her boss were close friends, colleagues, and even held the same position until, until he was promoted.

Sullivan felt that now he expects more from her than from other employees.

In addition, he blamed her that she does not adhere to the chain of command.

Then colleagues began to complain that the chief refers to Sullivan better than him. The situation seemed hopeless.

Outside of work, their friendship also changed, and they began to see each other much less frequently. And when it all happened, Sullivan caught myself on the fact that the answers to his questions short and to the point and doesn’t want to maintain idle conversation.

In the end the situation became so tense that Sullivan had to take a two-month vacation at his own expense to escape and at least to forget about it.

“I’ve been uncomfortable,” she says. Like many others, she faced a dilemma the so-called “relationship or job.”

Jeremy Bernerth, associate Professor of management at the State University of San Diego, said: “In a time of change, in situations requiring physical exertion or moral choice, a particularly close relationship with the boss can make the employee experience more pressure”.

And it’s not just a feeling. According to his research, these circumstances lead to increased stress levels in employees, making them more likely to absent from work and, contrary to expectations, reduce their productivity.

A healthy balance

Konstantin korotov lives in Berlin and holds the position of Director of the Centre for research in the field of leadership development European school of management and technology.

According to him, in intimate relationship with the boss is not bad, at least in the short term.

However, “in the long term this situation can lead to fatigue, cynical attitude or frustration on the part of the employee”, he said.

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This is especially true in cases where because of your close relationship with your boss you are forced to make deals with his conscience or his principles, because your friend-the chief expects that you will always be on his side.

In sum, all this gives you something that most of us would never expect from personal relationships at work negative feelings such as those we experience in relationships with loved ones outside of work – for example, parents or spouses.

“Working relationships are no different from any other relations between people, – says Vincent Passarelli, a clinical psychologist and consultant on organizational matters from new York. – We tend to recreate on the work of the same dynamics of relationships and personal life”.

In other words, we come to work with a set of expectations based on our child, adolescent and adult experience.

“How well-established the fellowship in [your] family? How Express love? As I beg your pardon? Depend on whether the relationship of external circumstances?” – asks Passarelli.

These questions are relevant in professional relationships.

The closer, the heavier

According to Passarelli, many people think that thanks to friendly relations with the boss they will better understand each other.
“Theoretically, the more formal the relationship between people, the [seemingly] more difficult for them to communicate. But in fact, the closer we get, the more vulnerable we become,” he explains.

Because of this increased vulnerability, many of the things we begin to interpret differently.

“In a relationship, the frustration begins to seem a betrayal,” says Passarelli.

“All the divergent views you will perceive as rejection. It is unlikely that you will ever say: “I know that you have to do because it requires your work”.

Consultant on organizational matters of new York Beth Fisher-Yoshida said that, if you work in a company where professional and friendly relationships there is no clear boundary to constantly switch from the role of friend to the role colleagues can be almost impossible.

This only increases the level of stress and uncertainty. “It’s like to switch from one language to another, – she explains. Recently someone was your friend and now it is kept cold and dry and even chastises you.”

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“Just like marriage or any other close personal relationships, these constant changing roles in the office can make you feel rejected,” said Passarelli.

“What happened to that man I saw every day? Now we meet once in two weeks. Of course, I think that was him, and that he refused me,” he explains.

Keep your distance

When Sullivan returned from vacation, almost nothing has changed and soon her boss started to behave with her familiar.
According to Passarelli, it is not surprising that such behavior made her feel a sense of unease and vulnerability, especially given the fact that once she and her boss were friends.

“Change the role of boss to the role of a friend is much easier than Vice versa, because usually [such relationships] are tied naturally, he says. – But is forced to change roles is much harder.”

This especially applies to cases when the head or the immediate supervisor is not trying to clearly explain what you expect from you and what you expect from him.

“After that, I decided that I really need to stop thinking of him as a friend, keep your distance, only to articulate their questions and to do nothing without his permission,” says Sullivan.

She had not considered his boss a friend. Those times when they went together on vacation and joked over each other, was behind.

Lorraine Tilbury, founder of HorsePower International firms located in the Loire Valley (France) and specialized in the field of personal and professional development. According to her, such situations require a lot of “self-consciousness and the ability to limit themselves.”

“Self-awareness means that you are able to define their core values, to listen to yourself and know when you demand too much, both physically and psychologically”.

It’s not much different from a situation where your boss – aggressive or narcissistic people. In fact, and in another case you have to deal with a colleague who is not too worried about your interests.

On the advice of Passarelli, you have to ask yourself, “Can I really trust this person?”

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